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Puerto Vallarta News NetworkDazed & Confused | Rumors

Puerto Vallarta Rumors
In an effort to keep our readers better informed, BanderasNews sent our team of crack reporters to scour the Bay for hard news. When we didn't like what they brought back, we decided to make some of this stuff up.
AS PART OF A BEACH BEAUTIFICATION MANDATE that has been passed by the Mexican Federal Government, Speedo bathing suits will no longer be allowed to be worn on public beaches. The mandate has been supported by restauranteers and vendors selling food on beaches who have seen sales decline as potential customers lose their appetites at the site of not-so-attractive men wearing the skimpy suits.

FORMER HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION OF THE WORLD Mike Tyson purchased a home just north of Puerto Vallarta in Nayarit in early July, and has been remaining in seclusion among friends and business associates. He has yet to assault any women or bite any ears off, but there is still time.

THE TIMESHARE ASSOCIATION, encouraged by the lack of foresight demonstrated by Pamplona, Spain tourism officials recently, will sponsor a running of the bulls on the Malecon in conjunction with this year's Puerto Vallarta Bike Week motorcycle rider's gathering. Sales of timeshares are expected to skyrocket as goring victims become too weak to argue.

LOCAL AUTHORITIES, as part of a "Drug Crackdown," have started to patrol the beach at Yelapa in force, harrassing tourists and locals alike. (This one has been confirmed by reliable sources.)

TAXI ROLLBACK. Of course it's only a rumor, but word has leaked out that taxi rates may be lowered anywhere from thirty to fifty percent. The more likely possibility is that all cabs would soon be equipped with meters, automatically bringing rates down to realistic levels, except of course for the airport taxis who we are told have a fifty year or longer unbreakable contract. It's amazing that after all this time no one knows why a thirty-peso ride to the airport costs ninety pesos to return to the same destination.

SOUTH PARK creators Trey Parker and Matt Stone will be shooting their next film "Alien Love Triangle" here in Banderas Bay. Filming will begin in the Fall in locations up and down the Bay and will include Actors Keanu Reeves, Chris Rock, Robin Williams and Jennifer Lopez.

HIGH-SPEED broadband Internet sales are heating up around Banderas Bay. Subscribers are receiving 1000 free minutes of out-of-country long distance phone service in addition to fast, reliable 24/7 internet access.

HIDE THOSE Modelos, Bernie Little is coming to town! The APBA [American Power Boat Association] is considering adding Bahia de Banderas to next season's Professional Hydroplane Racing schedule. Organizers are currently negotiating with local sponsors for this much-anticipated event.

AUTHOR Dr. Hunter S. Thompson, whose works include "Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas" and "The Great Shark Hunt" among others, has purchased a villa in Puerto Vallarta in which to spend time writing his next book entitled "Margaritas and Mayhem," He has been spotted in several of the local bars and once in the local jail.

REPORTEDLY, in San Vicente, where newspaper is used as toilet paper, women are forbidden to use the sports section unless it is at least a week old. In light of this we have omitted the "print this page" buttons in our sports section.

To start, end, or clarify a rumor, send us an email at

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